BIRTH STORY
10.26.19
I figured I’d better write down my thoughts before the freshness of this memory slips between my fingers.
I wanted to share my story. Our story really. The story about a boy a girl and their baby.
I almost feel intimidated to write a story that was so intense, sacred and impactful on our lives. I find myself already at loss of words for this experience. It’s a very real thing behind the scene.
Day 1:
Our story begins on Wednesday October 23rd around 6:30 pm. I was 40.5 weeks by this point and was SO ready for our little girls arrival. I had done every imaginable natural way to induce myself but our baby girl was stubborn and wanted to stay in a little longer. I had been having contractions here and there all week but it was never something that was consistent. That night my husband Adam and I made plans to eat dinner and go for a walk to stay active to hopefully start labor. I wanted it so badly. I was so so ready. During dinner I started timing my contractions as I felt them getting closer and more consistent. By the end of dinner my contractions were at a consistent 8 minutes apart each lasting 40-60 seconds. We were making progress. Excited I asked Adam if we could walk to our nearest grocery store to buy an ice cream cone. Our nearest grocery store is one mile away from our home. As you can imagine things started progressing during our walk. By the time we got to the grocery store we had gone from 8 minutes apart to 4-5 minutes apart. Was this finally it?! Were we actually going to have our baby?? Adrenaline filled my body. I was so excited.
Once we got home from our 2 mile walk I messaged our midwives and doula. Our midwives wanted us to contact them once my contractions lasted 1 minute and were 5 minutes apart for one hour. I was handling the contractions pretty well so we decided it would be best to try and get as much rest as I could before we made our way to the birth center. They told me to message my doula if my contractions started to get unbearable. I jumped into bed immediately and turned on my birthing meditations to relax my body. I fell asleep for a couple hours until I woke up in the middle of the night because of my contractions. They were stronger. My body was starting to shake. I hopped into the shower and then back in bed. I was only able to sleep another hour before it was morning.
Day 2 :
Around 7 I messaged my doula because at this point I really needed help. I couldn’t walk through my contractions and I could barley speak. Things were getting real. My doula showed up to my house at 9 but by this point the timing of my contractions weren’t consistent anymore. They had gone from 3-5 min apart to 6-8 minutes apart. Although the timing of my contractions weren’t consistent, my contractions were definitely getting stronger and stronger. I started feeling defeated. Almost a little embarrassed that I had even called my doula over. We didn’t know each other too well yet and I didn’t want her to think I was being a big baby. I tried to put on a strong face. We tried many things to get my labor to progress like bouncing on an exercise ball, pressure points, went for a walk, multiple actually and still there was no progression.
My midwife had me go over to her house to see if the baby was in a position that was slowing things down. She wasn’t. She was in a perfect position & doing great. My midwife told us to go out and do something we enjoyed doing to keep us distracted. So we did but it didn’t help. All my mind could think about was getting my baby girl here. My heart started to sink. All this work seemed to be for nothing. It seemed like this was never going to end. I didn’t see any light for me at the end of the tunnel. Was there something wrong with me??
By the end of the evening I updated my midwives on how I was doing. They called and told me that from the looks of it, it was probably just Braxton Hicks and that I should again try and get as much rest as I could and that they would see me early morning to check on me. I hung up the phone and bawled. I nuzzled my head into my husbands hands and weeped. I was in so much pain. If this was just braxton Hicks, what was real contractions going to feel like?? Could I continue with my plan to do this all natural? My body had been working so hard.
I tried so hard to sleep that night but there was no luck. I ended up on my couch constantly finding myself on my knees to endure the intense and powerful pain. My contractions were STRONG. I had the phone in my hand all night with my finger hovering above my doulas number. Did I need her yet? I did. But the fear of having her come over in the middle of night and not seeing any progression scared me. I couldn’t do that to her. I needed to stay strong. I fought hard all night. I was in constant pain.
Day 3 :
Once the sun was up we sped over to my midwives house. They checked to see how dilated I was. I was only at a 2. Even though I wasn’t super dilated I was so happy to hear that SOMETHING was happening to my body. It gave me a glimmer of hope again. We were back to progressing! My contractions were finally at a consistent timing and we went home to labor until I was ready to go to the birth center. I prayed the whole car ride home that we would be able to continue progressing and see our little babe soon.
The car ride home was rough. Adam held my hand the best he could the whole way home repeating over and over “you’re doing so good babe.” Those words kept me going. During every contraction he pulled the car over to help me breathe through them. “Innnnnn and outttt. That’s it. You’re doing so good babe.”
Once we got home Adam gave me a blessing. My eyes filled with tears. It was a beautiful blessing and the one thing he and I will never forget was to trust and follow Gods plan.
Our doula sped over to our house to help me through my contractions. I can remember crying. Crying because of the intense feeling of each contraction but also crying with relief that she was with us again. Every 3-5 minutes I found myself crawling to my knees, burrowing my face into my hands, rocking my hips back and forth as my doula brushed through my hair with her fingers and applied pressure to my pelvis. As the pressure and intensity increased we decided to head to the birth center before it would be too hard to handle in the car. I hopped into the back and knelt down holding onto the back seat head rest. I regret not taking a picture of how we were in the car. I can only imagine the faces of the people driving by. Adam quickly sped us to the birthing center and through each contraction my doula got behind me and applied pressure. I honestly don’t know what I would have done with out her. I’ll probably say that a lot during this story but she was so important to us.
It was 4:00pm once we got to the birth center and it was still bright outside. I felt like it was us against the world but in all reality the world was still spinning and everyone was going about their regular day. I could barley get out of the car and walking was getting difficult. I made my way to the railing by the door hunched over in pain moaning through my contraction. There was a guy that had just walked out of the sprint store next to us and gave me an interesting look. He had no idea what I had been going through or what I was feeling. I almost felt like I was alone in a whole different world. One I couldn’t really explain to anyone.
4:00pm to 1:00 am was filled with increasing contractions, a very intense amount of pressure, trying different techniques to ease the pain and lots of moaning and crying. I will never forget how supportive my husband was. I couldn’t do it without him. Looking into his green eyes brought me comfort. Holding onto his warm body and being in his arms swaying back and forth made me feel grounded. Brushing my fingers through his hair brought me back to the present moment and his words like “ you’re doing so good babe.” or “ she’s going to be here soon. “ brought me hope.
Every couple hours my midwives would come in the room to check how dilated I was but I was still progressing very slowly. It was a long and slow climb.
I remember watching the hours go by on the clock and feeling overwhelmed with gratitude for the women who were supporting me. My two midwives, my doula and their team. They were spending time away from the people they loved so we could bring and welcome a little one we loved into the world.
Day 4 :
Times are a blur to me at this point. I just know we were in the early Saturday morning hours. My body was exhausted. All I could think about was sleeping. My body wanted to lie down. The bed called my name but my body refused it. Lying down was one of the most painful positions for me to go through a contraction in. The positions on our list started to feel limiting. The only one that I could handle was being on my knees but even that was painful because I had been doing it constantly for past couple of days. My body was shaking and everything started to become very hazy.
My midwife came in to check on me and I had finally made it to a 7. I was almost there. Almost there. She gave me the ok to start laboring in the tub. I undressed and hopped in. Unfortunately my body didn’t handle it too well. I started feeling defeated again. I had been looking forward the tub all night. At this point I really started believing there had to be something wrong with me. Why was I not progressing?? My team held my hands and gave me looks of love and support. They were amazing. Adam turned on warmer water for me and poured it over my back. I so badly wanted to close my eyes, sink myself into the water and sleep forever. My body was tired. Exhausted.
Not finding the tub comforting I decided to hop out. My team went into the other room and came back and wanted to check my dilation again. My team surrounded my bed with sad faces. My midwife looked at me with sincere eyes and told me that I had gone down from a 7 to a 5 and that my body needed rest because it had been working so hard on little to no sleep for the past couple days and that it would be best if I went to the hospital to get an epidural so my body could get the rest it needed in order to push. Although It wasn’t what we had originally wanted for our birth we knew in our hearts it’s what was needed to be done. I needed rest and so did my sweet husband.
We quickly gathered my things and raced down the street to the hospital. I remember smiling so big because the thought of sleep made me so happy. My midwives and doula stayed right by our sides until I had peaceful closed my eyes to sleep. I had a very special place for them in my heart at this point. I could and can very sincerely say I love them. They meant and mean so much to us.
That night Adam and I were able to sleep. It was amazing to say the least. When our families were notified we had transferred to the hospital they decided to come visit. It helped keep us distracted from the thought of our past few nights.
My labor continued at a very slow pace. I had all possible fluids running through my body. My legs were absolutely numb. It was the weirdest feeling but I was happy I was able to rest. Our nurses and doctors broke my water to try and speed things up but I plateaued at a 5. We spent hours waiting and waiting. My doctors got concerned and talked to us about the possibility of doing a c-section. I fervently prayed that the doctor would give us the time and patience to give us a chance on delivering vaginally but in the end knew whatever God had planned for me would be best. I submitted my will to his and I felt at complete peace afterward. Whatever was going to happen was what needed to happen.
Things started to speed up after that. Every couple hours I would dilate more and more. Around 8:00-8:30 pm I was FINALLY dilated to a 10. We did it. We were going to have this baby. Although things were looking up my epidural started going away and I could feel my contractions again. Adam held my hand and kissed my forehead. You could see the excitement in his eyes. Seeing him happy made me happy. He was already the best daddy.
Again, this part is a little bit of a blur for me. The nurse came into the room and we began pushing. She told me it would take about 2-3 hours to push. I wasn’t down for that. I was determined I would get the job done sooner. Over and over I heard the words “ Deep breath in ... 2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10!!” I was so scared to push but once I started pushing it was the easiest thing I had done in the past few days.
My mom and doula stood on one side of the bed with me. My doula held onto my hand and after every contraction would say “ you are doing so good momma.” Wow I was a momma. My baby was coming! My mom would brush her fingers through my hair here and there. It was a cool experience. One mom giving comfort to her daughter who was about to have a daughter. Power from one mother to another.
Adam held onto my leg and he even started counting for me. “Deep breath in ... 2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10!!” I watched him watch me. He was adorable. You could almost see his heart beating out of his chest. He looked at me and said “ oh! She has your hair Des.”
I thought to myself how lucky I was to have him by my side, how lucky I was to have his support and how lucky I was/am to have him as my daughters father.
The doctor came in for my last few pushes. As her head crowned the doctor thought it would be fun to make a mow-hawk with all her hair. A few quick pushes later and there she was Right in front of me was my little babe. Our perfect little babe was born October 26 at 9:04 pm. at last.
I had always imagined what this day would look like and I definitely never imagined it the way it played out. It was beautiful. Our story was beautiful.
Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine how supportive my husband would be, how adorable he would be with me and our daughter. He was strong. He was patient and so loving. Never did I imagine I’d grow so close with our doula and midwives. Never did I imagine them having such a BIG spot in our hearts and story. Never did I imagine how perfect our little girl would be, How sweet her spirit is. Never did I imagine I could love a little thing soooo much!
This is one of the most triumphant moments of my life. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I am grateful God gave us bodies that are strong, that heal, that grow and create life!! I never knew my body was capable of going through the things it did, that it fought for me.
Nothing has given me more joy than becoming a mother. I am changed, I am a mother and this is our story.